The Dangers of Roller Skating
by Lilian Portia
Summary: Response to a friend's challenge. Someone with an evil sense of humour taught Sirius Black how to roller skate. Remus is tortured by Peeves, and Sirius is tortured by pineapples - oh, and Lily's still pretending to hate James.


Jack Cardaux, Hufflepuff second year, was only just going to be on time to Professor McGonagall's Transfiguration class. He breathed a sigh of relief when he glanced at his watch; he had his hand on the door at thirty seconds to the bell.

Then he found himself on the ground, books scattered. He looked down the corridor to see a figure in school robes zooming down the hall on roller-skates. When he heard the figure let out a loud whoop, Jack cursed the name of Sirius Black.

Sirius was having altogether too much fun. Someone with an evil sense of humour had introduced him to roller-skating – but hadn't taught him how to stop. It was more fun that way anyway. He had already taken out three Hufflepuffs and a Slytherin (fifteen and thirty points consecutively, as James would say). It wasn't until he rounded a corner near the Defence room that he had second thoughts about shoes on wheels. At this corner, he slammed straight into one Remus J. Lupin. He tried to maintain a grin, but with the other boy staring up at him so admonishingly, it wasn't easy.

"Sirius, what on earth are you doing? You're lucky you didn't run into a professor."

"Skating, Moony! Remember that from this summer?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Remind me later to kill Peter. Now get off me."

Sirius pushed himself up, but the second he put weight on his feet, the skates gave way and he fell down again. Really, at first it was fun, but _this_ was just embarrassing. Remus actually let out a snort, managed to stand, and then pulled Sirius up with him.

"You should probably be outside if you do this again. And wearing a helmet."

"A _helmet_?"

The sandy-haired prefect raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Sirius. A helmet. To protect your bloody head."

"Aw, Moony," Sirius said, grinning and placing a hand over his heart. "You do care."

Remus groaned and ran his hands over his face.

"Just get those things off, Sirius. You'll break your neck in here."

Sirius pouted.

"Come on, Remus. I'll just skate to the common room, and then I'll take them off."

He received another eye roll at that, but the friends made their way to the Gryffindor common room in relative silence. Remus helped Sirius stop when they reached the Fat Lady's portrait and, as promised, Sirius took the skates off. Remus sent him a small nod and then headed into the common room to see Lily Evans (who was trying desperately to convince herself that she hated their friend, James Potter). Sirius, on the other hand, walked over to James and sat next to him on one of the couches. James smirked at him.

"You know, you should just tell him."

The black-haired boy tried to feign ignorance.

"Tell who what?"

"_You know_," James said sternly. "You're such a poofter."

Sirius blushed, not helping his defence against this remark.

"I don't know what you mean. But speaking of telling, someone should probably tell Wormtail we set all the clocks forward."

James gaped for a moment.

"You don't mean to say he _still_ hasn't figured it out?"

Sirius then let out a snort.

"This morning, he actually walked into Slughorn's third year class."

James laughed.

"He's so thick. How could you not know after that?"

Sirius shrugged, his eyes falling onto Remus, who was across the room talking to Lily Evans.

Remus was trying hard to keep the conversation away from himself, but it was not working well. After Lily had let out her vexation for the evening (glaring at James all the while), she turned to Remus with a determined look on her face.

"So what were you and Sirius up to?"

He snorted.

"Nothing. The bloody idiot was roller-skating down the halls. He- He ran right into me."

She sent him a knowing look and tried not to smirk.

"Did he fall on you, Remus?"

He winced.

"He could have broken his bloody neck. And he almost heard-" he broke off, turning away.

"What?"

***Flashback***

Remus was on his way to the common room when Peeves started throwing things at him – a piece of chalk, some candy, even an old book.

"Peeves! Stop it!"

The poltergeist stopped pelting things at him and glided quickly over to stare at him with a mischievous grin.

"Loony loopy Lupin . . . _I_ know your secret," he said, chuckling to himself with glee.

Remus paled. Peeves couldn't know about his lycanthropy! That would be a nightmare!

Then the poltergeist began to sing at him.

"Fruity loopy Lupin! Fruity loopy Lupin!"

Peeves glided down the hall away from a horrified Remus Lupin, still singing.

***End Flashback***

"Nothing. Does it look like James is planning something to you?"

Lily turned and scowled at her fellow Head student. Then she stood and stalked over to him.

"James Potter!"

Remus smiled to himself and slipped out to the library. He was there for hours, engrossed in a muggle book he'd found. He realized how late it was only when he stepped into the hall. It had been deserted for some time. He made his way back to the common room, pausing once when he passed James and Lily snogging heatedly against the wall. He smirked and moved on silently.

The common room was deserted save for a shaggy-haired brunette on the couch.

"Padfoot. Couldn't sleep?"

Sirius watched as his friend walked over and sat next to him. He shook his head.

"Haven't tried yet."

"Sirius, you have to try to sleep. It's not healthy to-"

"Remus, I can't!" He sighed. "It's the pineapples."

"The- The _what_?"

"I keep having these nightmares about- about _pineapples_! And they . . . They _hurt_, Remus!"

A long silence followed. Sirius barely noticed because he was reliving his nightmares and squirming in his seat. Remus stilled him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Sirius." When the other boy wouldn't look at him, he took Sirius' face in his hands and made him make eye contact. "Sirius. Just tell yourself: No nightmares."

"No ni . . . mes . . ."

Sirius couldn't keep looking into those eyes. Unfortunately, when his eyes fell, they dropped to Remus' lips.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Sirius. No. Nightmares."

"No . . . Ni . . . Remus. Please stop touching me."

The other immediately drew away from him with a hurt look.

"No, Remus! It's not like that, it's . . ."

"It's _what_, Sirius?" he asked coldly.

"It's just . . . I . . . Oh, fuck it."

If Remus hexed him into his next life, at least he'd have kissed him once. With that sentiment, Sirius pounced on one of his best friends.

The next morning Sirius and James walked to breakfast together.

"What happened last night? Lily and I came in from patrolling and you and Remus had mysteriously vanished. Together."

Sirius actually grinned at James' ribbing.

"Let's just say that the Shrieking Shack has lived up to its name."


End file.
